On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
