Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This baby is an asshole
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
