Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
