Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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