and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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