I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a hot homeless man
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
