I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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