I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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