Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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