Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
