she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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