You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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