We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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