i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
