Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
