if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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