cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
