office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
