yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize