Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
