the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
