I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
