Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
