Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
