Welp...herpes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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