So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
