my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize