Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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