i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
