My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
