i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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