Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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