Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.