How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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