peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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