Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
