Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
