WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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