dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
