So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
