I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
