I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
