her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
