is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
