I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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