it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
