He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
