i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
