She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
