I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
