you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
