Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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