I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
