I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
