Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
