I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
