I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
