I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
