my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm passing your future prison.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
