My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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