I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
