He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
