Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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