I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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