"it" just moved
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
